Welcome back to Musings of an Arthritic Artist! Today I'm going to be doing another personal post. I haven't posted a personal post like this in almost four months and I've honestly missed doing posts like this.
I'm going to be talking about toxic positivity and why it's especially bad when it comes to disability and chronic illness.
Let's get into the post!
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| King, Alexandria. Musings of an Arthritic Artist. 2021. |
I cannot count the amount of times I've seen "it could be worse" on the internet. This is something a lot of people will tell people with chronic illnesses, or just people going through things in general. This annoys me so much.
These are examples of situations where toxic positivity may show up: when someone is chronically ill and having a bad day, when someone who has anxiety or depression is having a bad day, when someone is diagnosed with a chronic illness, when someone loses their job, along with many other situations.
Toxic positivity has also popped up a lot during the pandemic we're still in the middle of, and it's incredibly problematic. "It could be worse" has popped up on numerous occasions during the pandemic, and it's not helping. It's only succeeding in invalidating other people's emotions. The Washington Post had a very interesting article about this, which I linked at the end of this post.
Telling someone "it could be worse" is an innocuous sounding thing. This is usually said by someone whose heart is in the right place. However, this is problematic. The problem with this is that it invalidates how the person is feeling. By saying it could be worse, it feels as if the person's problems aren't that severe. It can contribute to trivializing someone's pain.
Typically, the way this is used with people who are chronically ill is that the person will say "It could be worse. At least you don't have cancer." And yes, while this may be true, it only helps to make someone feel as if they shouldn't be feeling the way they do. It makes them feel guilty about experiencing human emotions.
The problem is that always being positive, even when you're not, can be damaging to someone's emotional health. It can cause them to dismiss or deny any emotions that are 'negative.'
It isn't a healthy way to live. If used correctly, no emotions are bad. It's impossible for human beings to be happy all the time, so it's impossible to ask people to be happy all the time.
The downfall for this is that over time negative emotions will build up. Some people bottle their emotions. Some do it due to trauma, and others do it naturally and it's just something that's ingrained into their personality. I actually tend to bottle my emotions. I have since I was a child. There isn't really an explanation for why.
The problem with toxic positivity is that it forces that kind of behavior on someone. Scientists have proven that bottling emotions isn't healthy. What happens is that the more negative emotions pile up, the more someone will feel them when they can't hold it in anymore. It'll be repressed for so long that it'll break like a dam.
Toxic positivity pushes a harmful narrative that humans can--and should be--positive all the time, even when they don't feel positive. That the bright side should always be seen. On its own, it seems harmless. But like I said, this will lead people to deny or dismiss their emotions.
Here's the thing: positivity is good--in moderation. While it is good to be positive and happy the majority of the time, it's definitely not good to overdue it to the point of invalidating or dismissing 'negative' emotions.
Humans cannot be positive and happy all the time, no matter how hard we try. Anger, sadness, disappointment, disgust, and fear are all natural human emotions as well, not just happiness. And when we force the narrative of 'you always have to be happy,' it's damaging to the relationship a person has with their emotions.
People who engage in toxic positivity usually don't see it as toxic. The problem is that people who participate in toxic positivity will feel guilty for feeling natural emotions such as sadness and anger. They'll feel guilty because they aren't being positive and happy.
There's a difference between being happy and peppy, and spreading toxic positivity. Some people have a naturally more positive, happy, and peppy reaction to things. Being an optimist is a good thing, but when it's pushed too hard, it can quickly turn into toxic positivity. It's damaging to someone's emotional wellbeing.
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When it comes to chronic illness or disability, toxic positivity isn't helpful. Chronic illness is exactly that: it's chronic, which means it's incurable and long-lasting. It's not something you can eliminate. Disability isn't either. Disability isn't a mask that can be taken off at the end of the day. It's always there. It's a life-long problem. To tell people with chronic illnesses and disabilities to always be positive, it's damaging.
If someone is recently diagnosed or is still coping with the thought of living with an incurable illness for the rest of their life, it's harmful to invalidate their feelings by using toxic positivity. I've lived with my autoimmune disease (autoimmune diseases are chronic, by the way) for almost 20 years now (about 17 years, 8 months), and sometimes, it still causes a flurry of emotions.
Chronic illnesses and disabilities are difficult to cope with. They aren't easy things to talk about, nor are they easy to live with. These are problems that someone will have to deal with for the rest of their life. For those of us who were born with what we have, it's even longer. This is the life I've gotten used to. This is the only life I've known, and even I have bad days.
It's okay to not be okay, as long as you are able to pick yourself back up. It may take forever, but you'll get there. Every emotion is temporary, which means even happiness is temporary. Emotions can come and go in an instant, and to force positivity down people's throats is the wrong approach to 'negative' emotions.
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In my opinion, the Disney movie Inside Out did a perfect job of covering this topic. For those of you who don't know it: the main characters are the five emotions living inside Riley, a young girl's mind. The emotions are Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear.
The aspects of five most important "core memories" within Riley's personality form five floating islands. Joy is the leader, and she and the rest of the emotions try to limit the influence Sadness has. All the emotions drive Riley's reactions to things. These emotions will create memories, which are little colored orbs that will be stored in 'long-term memory.'
Riley has recently moved with her family from Minnesota to San Francisco. This causes new emotions to surface. On her first day of a new school, Sadness accidentally turns an old joyous memory sad, which causes Riley to cry. This memory was a core memory. Joy tries to get rid of it by using a vacuum tube, but she accidentally knocks loose the rest of the core memories.
Joy, Sadness, and the core memories are sucked out of the headquarters, leaving Disgust, Anger, and Fear to deal with Riley's emotions themselves. Sadness and Joy begin to search for the core memories and Joy tries to prevent Sadness from touching them, knowing she'll turn them sad.
The movie ends beautifully, and this is a really good example of toxic positivity. It's fun, it's creative, and it talks about an important issue that a lot of times brings forth a lot of problems.
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In my opinion, toxic positivity should be eliminated. It doesn't tend to help anyone. It's harmful and damaging to people's emotional health. I'll leave some links below about the topic for anyone who is interested in reading more about it. Despite how annoying I find it, it's a very interesting topic.
The truth is that, as humans, we can't always pick and choose what emotions to feel. Emotions come naturally. Some people are more emotional and sensitive than others, and that's okay.
Every human needs to feel every emotion and deal with them in a healthy way. It's okay to feel sadness. It's okay to feel anger. If they are utilized in a productive way, there's very little room for error.
