Is Twilight Really as Bad as People Say? (Spoiler Filled Review)

Welcome back to Musings of an Arthritic Artist! 

Today I was in a book mood, so I've decided to review Twilight, the first book in the Twilight Saga, written by Stephenie Meyer. I read this book in March 2020 during quarantine just because I could. The colloquial writing in this review is 100% intentional. 

There are major spoilers ahead for Twilight (as I mentioned in the post's title), so if you've never read it and wish to (for whatever reason), I'd recommend closing this tab, because this entire review is a spoiler. 

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's get into the (minor rant) review! 

Just in case you don't know, Twilight is a YA Fantasy Romance novel about 17 year old Bella Swan, who has decided to move to Forks, Washington to live with her father. She goes to the local high school and meets the mysterious Edward Cullen in her Biology class. They are immediately attracted to each other. 

Where do I even begin? 

I read this in two days. That would theoretically mean I really enjoyed it, right? Incorrect. Luckily for me, I went in with low expectations, so I did enjoy it. Don't let the rating I give it fool you. There was plenty wrong with this book, though there are worse books out there. 

Initially, I was confused as to why it only took me a total of probably twelve straight hours. Then, I found out that this book was written at a 4th grade reading level. Yes. A YA novel with the interest level being grades 9-12 is written at the reading comprehension level of a nine year old. I've read other YA books that were written at higher grade levels (maybe I'm being unfairly biased; there are plenty of YA books written at a 4th grade level), but this isn't one of them. 

However, I was reading Pride and Prejudice while I was reading this which has an AR [accelerated reader] level of 12.0, meaning the average reading comprehension of a senior in high school. Due to that, I'm going to drop this point.

Even if I ignore that, there are much better authors than Stephenie Meyer out there. Jane Austen, Suzanne Collins, Rick Riordan, Sabaa Tahir, Leigh Bardugo, Christopher Paolini, Elly Blake, and Rick Yancey, though I know there are plenty more. 

Twilight gets a lot of mixed reviews (though it leans more toward the negative spectrum), and I understand why. I definitely understand why some people hate it. I mostly understand why some people love it, especially young teens. I feel as if Twilight is a decent introduction to YA. There's little to no "questionable" content. The characters don't curse, the romance isn't too intimate, and the story is very simple, so I understand why 12-17 year old girls would love this book. Personally, I just don't.

So, why did I read Twilight? Simple. I wanted to see what the hype was all about, and my sister owns this book (secondhand). She read this book when she was around my age, and I'm in the target audience for it. I don't regret reading this book, because it's one of those books that's so stupid and idiotic, it's hilarious. Now, let's get into my overall thoughts.

The writing

The writing is very amateur and basic. It reads like a vampire fanfiction written by a teenage girl. There are many words in this book even I struggled to get through. Large, "fancy" words will get dropped in here and there (you're not subtle, Mrs. Meyer), such as infinitesimally. 

However, there will also be words such as "unloosened," which I have never heard anyone say in my life. You would assume it would mean tighten, because un- is a prefix that typically means the opposite of the root word. If you thought that (I thought it as well, so the sentence didn't make sense), then you thought wrong. It means loosened. If unloosened means loosened, then why not just use loosened? 

I could theoretically ignore this as well because I just read this word in a different book recently (either one of the Sherlock Holmes books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs, I don't remember). That doesn't mean it isn't a bizarre word. The English language is an amazing kind of confusing.

For an English major, the writing seems lazy and weak. She also uses the word "seraphic." I see what you're trying to do, Mrs. Meyer. It isn't going to work.

The story

The plot is pretty straightforward and simple. "Plain girl" meets "bad boy," falls in love with him, finds out he is a vampire, and loves him regardless. The standard YA forbidden romance with love at first sight. The story is simple and lighthearted. If you don't want to read anything that requires thinking, I'd recommend this (though there are better lighthearted reads out there).

This is what the plot is:

Seventeen-year-old Bella Swan is moving to Forks, Washington to move in with her father, who's a police officer--she doesn't want to move to Florida with her mother and Phil, her baseball playing stepfather. She goes to the high school there. Skipping past the mundane parts, I will talk about my next point. Enter Edward Cullen, our main love interest.

He has a huge secret we're just dying to know.

 

🙊*gasps*🙊

He's a vampire. Yet, all the mystery is given away on the back of the book. Way to ruin the suspense, editor/publicist. This wrecks the potential suspense for the entire beginning half of the book. Just call it a paranormal romance, then leave it at that. Is he a vampire? A werewolf? Maybe he's a zombie (technically creepy, but Edward is already pretty creepy in this first book).

The blurb reads, 

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how dominant that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

This actual quote isn't until page 195, almost halfway through the book. Spoilers, anybody? I mean, yeah, this is marketed as a vampire romance, so that's kind of obvious, but come on. You couldn't at least try?

This wouldn't bother me, except for the fact that for the first third of the book, Bella is trying to figure out what Edward is and why he seems to hate her. I was mentally screaming at her that he was a vampire. It was painful to get through. I would've at least preferred to be kept in suspense with her. At least it would've been tolerable.

Anyway, Bella's life changes to revolving around Edward (not that she had much of a life to begin with), who lives in a family of seven vampires, including himself. Her life turns upside down as she begins to have feelings for him. Remember that proclamation of love I mentioned a paragraph ago in the blurb? She met him a max of one month prior (I understand teenage girls say they love someone very early on, but Bella got on my nerves one chapter in). I'm convinced Bella doesn't know what love really is. It isn't about person's looks. It isn't how a person's voice sounds. Love goes much deeper than that, and I don't think Bella comprehends that. 

After that, Edward saves her from being crushed by a car because he has super speed. He can also hear telepathically. She's confused about how he saved her so quickly (he was across the school parking lot) and why he saved her (she believes he hates her and would want her dead).

More mundane things happen. Then, she goes up to Port Angeles, and almost gets attacked by muggers. Luckily, she gets away. 

But wait. There's more. 

She has to be a damsel in distress. 

😒*rolls eyes*😒 

Mr. Perfect the Vampire saves her. No surprise there. What is Edward doing in Port Angeles when he didn't go with Bella? It would be much too easy--and appropriate--to say he happened to be in the area, recognized her, and came to her rescue. Instead, Edward admits to Bella that he followed her (at least he confessed). Because that isn't stalking at all. It gets better. Bella doesn't bat an eyelash. She doesn't scold him. She barely even comments on it.

Next comes that proclamation of love I've already mentioned twice. Let's skip over it to the next red flag. Bella is with Jessica, and a conversation ensues. It is revealed about a page later that Edward was eavesdropping on her. Bella overlooks this. Once again, she barely comments on it. Later, she talks to Mike, and Edward eavesdrops again. Bella calls him out this time, telling him to promise, but he never does, and she doesn't seem to care. 

Next are the most ridiculous parts (though, there are many). Vampires can't be in the sun, and Edward wants to show her why. You would assume it's because he would get hurt and burn. Nope. That would be too cliche (yet 10x more logical). Edward shows Bella that he can't be in the sun because...wait for it. 

🥁*drumroll*🥁 

He sparkles and it would give him away. 

😐*facepalm*😐 

I knew about this before I read the book. It's kind of hard to avoid everything Twilight. I laughed then, and I laugh now, because it's so stupid. Not only that but Mrs. Meyer makes the vampires virtually indestructible, which is kind of boring and annoying.

Continuing through the plot, Bella finds out Edward spies on her. She finds out, and instead of being responsible, logical, and creeped out, she's flattered. He then admits he sneaks into her bedroom at night and watches her sleep (seriously, what in Tartarus am I reading?). Edward tells her she talks in her sleep, and she's utterly horrified. She gets upset at him, making it seem like she's going to call him out on it. She doesn't. He asks her why she's upset and she tells him it depends on what he heard her say while she was asleep. 

Around 300 pages in, Bella questions Edward about vampire marriages for future reference. They aren't even dating, and she's already considering marriage (I know some teenage girls think about this, so I'll excuse it as "realistic").

Later, Edward tells Bella he loves her. They then play baseball with the other members of the Cullen family, and Bella ends up being seen and recognized by a group of three vampires as human. One of the vampires thirsts for her blood. He proceeds to track her. She gets moved to Phoenix by Alice and Jasper Cullen. Unluckily for her, the vampire, whose name is James, tracks her down, and bites her, nearly killing her. 

Luckily, her glitterpire love saves her life by sucking out the vampire venom. She ends up in the hospital. She and Edward talk and everyone lives happily ever after.

The characters

Bella Swan

We are inside her head for the entire book. For being seventeen years old, she's quite dumb (I should know, I'm her age). I can't get over how dense, idiotic, and annoying this girl is. She is flatter than a piece of paper, and is the kind of girl that doesn't make connections, even if they are staring her directly in the face. She's incredibly shallow (only falling in love with Edward because he's beautiful), kind of selfish (I know a lot of teenagers are selfish, but Bella takes it to an extreme), and clumsy, which I'll elaborate on in a moment. 

She also doesn't seem to have any hobbies, besides maybe reading Jane Austen (whom she loves, yet I can't make myself believe her), reading Shakespeare (one of her favorite books is Romeo and Juliet, yet she writes a paper on Shakespeare being a "misogynistic pig," because that makes sense), and reading Wuthering Heights.

Other than that, I can't think of anything. It's almost like she doesn't have a life. She doesn't seem to have anything she's passionate about, she doesn't do sports because she's too clumsy, and she only ever talks about three books (Pride and Prejudice, Romeo and Juliet, and Wuthering Heights), as if there are no other classics worth anything. I agree with her on Pride and Prejudice being a great book, but there are thousands of other classics to choose from as well. 

She constantly calls her father Charlie, even though he doesn't like her to (this is in her head and to other people, but still). She even calls her mother by her first name, which is Renee. I didn't care about her until the end, which in my opinion is late. Overall, I found her boring.

Now I'll elaborate on the clumsy aspect of Bella. 

I'm kind of sick of the entire "clumsy girl meets cute guy even though she believes she's ugly" thing, even though I haven't read many books involving it. I don't mind books about clumsy girls, but there are clumsy girls out there who can do physical activities without tripping over their own feet. My sister is clumsy, yet she was in flags in high school and can dance pretty well, even though she has the unique ability to trip over air.

Edward Cullen

What more is there to say about him? He's gorgeous and perfect. He's a stalker and undead. The ultimate romantic partner. I think I summed up how I feel about him in the story paragraphs. 

Jasper Cullen

I will say, I'd re-read this book again for two reasons. One, to laugh at Bella's stupidity, and two, to read about Jasper. Jasper was my favorite character in this book. I love his ability to calm people down with a touch. I love how he can feel others' emotions, because this is something I can do. I loved how kind Jasper was to Bella and everybody else. The only reason this book gets the rating I give it is because of the combined effort of Jasper and Alice. I wish that instead of Edward and Bella's story, we would've gotten Jasper and Alice's stories. I think the book would've been 10x better. Most girls crush on Edward. Forget that. I want a man like Jasper. He's one hundred times more ideal as a partner.

Alice Cullen

 Alice is my second favorite character. She's great, but not as amazing as Jasper. Her ability is prophetic. She can see certain parts of the future. She is an interesting character. She, like Jasper was written well, and I'm super excited to read more about them in the future books.

Charlie Swan and the Cullens

As for the other Cullens, they were also enjoyable to read about (except Rosalie). I liked Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett. 

I had no problems with Charlie.  In my opinion, Bella was way too harsh in her thoughts about him. Give the guy a break. He at least tried to be a good father. I honestly feel bad for him. I think he deserved a better daughter.

Overall Thoughts

I give Twilight a rating of 3 stars. It wasn't the worst book I've ever read, but it definitely wasn't the best. If we didn't get Jasper and Alice, it would most likely be a 2.

If you wish to read my more in-depth (and cynical) page-by-page, chapter-by-chapter thoughts regarding this book, check out this post on my sister's blog at The Real World According To Sam (opens in new window). 

That's it for this post! I hope you enjoyed it!

Until next time,

Lexi K🖌